KRR: So, Is 'Point Break' a Surfing Movie or Is It Something More?

 

This absolutely astounding summer blockbuster is the second movie review this election week following the theme: "Sports" Movies That Don't Really Get Made Anymore. Click the following link to see the first installment on Esther William's swimming classic Million Dollar Mermaid, and look out later this week for the final piece under this very loose theme. (Here's a hint: It's about skiing!) Now without further ado, the surfing masterpiece that is Point Break.

As I said on Tuesday, I wrote about Million Dollar Mermaid as a way to take my mind off the election. Unfortunately, it's now Thursday, October 5th - Election Day 3 - and we still don't have conclusive presidential results. So, I'm back to writing about sports movies for the exact same purpose - for some levity, a brief break from staring down Georgia and Nevada's polling numbers. That's why we're turning to Point Break, the 1991 summer blockbuster starring Patrick Swayze, Keanu Reeves, Gary Busey, and Lori Petty. 

Point Break is four different movies all rolled into one wonderful joyride. It's a surfing movie, a skydiving movie, a heist movie, a romance movie. It has it all. It follows Johnny Utah, a former All-Conference quarterback who became a standout FBI rookie, as he infiltrates a surfing crew suspected of pulling off thirty bank robberies in three years. They're led by the endlessly charismatic Bodhi, played by Patrick Swayze, and they go by - wait for it, here comes the greatest name ever - The Ex-Presidents. Gary Busey plays Pappas, Utah's veteran partner, and Lori Petty plays Tyler, Utah's surfing teacher, connection to Bodhi, and "love interest." I'll explain those air quotes in a minute, but first - an incredible action trailer!

-SPOILERS AHEAD-

I was always taught to eat my vegetables before dessert. It was instilled in me growing up, the bad before the good. But I'm not a good listener, and that's why we're gonna start with the dessert first: Patrick Swayze. 

God, I miss Patrick Swayze so much.

His is one of the greatest performances in any movie ever. Period. End of discussion. He makes Keanu Reeves look like a cardboard cut-out. He's doing what Heath Ledger is doing in The Dark Knight but he's doing it 20 years earlier - playing a villain that is just so fucking lovable that you're rooting for them to win no matter how much awful shit they've done. This is peak Swayze. I've never loved him more than I do when I'm watching Point Break. The hair, the swagger, the lines, the fact that he's dressed up as Ronald Reagan and wielding a flamethrower, all of it eclipses the very definition of perfection. 

Okay, whew. I'm glad I got that off my chest. Now let's return to the beginning and talk about the elephant in Point Break's room. This movie has been ripped off, beat for beat, scene for scene, stolen. The Fast and the Furious, the first movie in the franchise, is an almost exact replica of this movie, except instead of banks, they're robbing trucks, and instead of surfing, they're driving fast. The similarities are too uncanny to be called coincidences. There are scenes even set at the same restaurant. Here are the stories of both movies in one list:

• Fresh-faced undercover federal agent uses a young woman working at a restaurant, whom he subsequently falls in love with, to infiltrate a band of likable criminals pulling off improbable and notorious robberies to fund their obsessive hobbies/lifestyles.
• The agent begins to actually really enjoy the obsessive hobby and the band of criminals.
• The heist crews, run by lovable big men, throw a party where the agent attends and gets in good with them and begins to really fall for the woman who connected them all. Also everyone drinks Coronas at this party.
• The agent (who is always very bad at his job) wrongfully pins the robberies on another crew, because he wants to bag the bad guys and his asshole boss is breathing down his neck. 
• The agent begs for more time from his boss, then realizes what was obvious from the beginning: the crew he's hanging out with are ACTUALLY the bad guys. Duh.
• The agent almost catches the bad guys/his friends but he's still too much of a rookie.
• The woman figures out the agent is actually undercover and leaves him in a fit of passion.
• The heist crew figures out the agent is undercover, but instead of killing him, they're forced to work together to pull off "one last job."
• Things don't go well. People die. The woman realizes she actually does love the agent and comes running back. Gag me.
• In the end, the agent - totally operating outside the confines of the law at this point - gets his man, but damn, he's just so lovable that the agent let's him go. Roll credits.

This is the exact plot of both Point Break and The Fast and the Furious. I can't believe there wasn't a lawsuit over this in the early 2000s. It's such a blatant rip-off. However, just because they're the same movie does not mean they share the same quality. No, not at all. Point Break is so far superior because, yes, while it's a movie about a cop trying to catch some criminals, it's actually four different stories about surfing, skydiving, stealing, and suggestive gay love. I wanna take a look at each of these four stories in Point Break.

Easily Reagan's best performance.

Let's start with what this movie is obviously about: surfing. This movie is centered around the ocean and the dudes who ride it. That's why we're talking about it this week under the theme "Sports" Movies That Don't Really Get Made Anymore. Because it is a sports movie of sorts. There is A LOT of surfing in this movie. Apparently Swayze, Reeves, and Petty all spent a few weeks learning to surf in Hawaii to make this film, and it was a major hobby in their lives after this film too. That's how integral surfing is to the story. They couldn't just fake it with stunt doubles. The entire story centers around this group of guys who rob banks to fund their "never-ending summer" of traveling the world and surfing. They move in cycles, "like the waves," and feel a kinship with the ocean. They admittedly want to die doing what they love, which makes it rather sad that most of them die so far from surfing. Surfing is the intrinsic mechanism this movie turns on, and when you pull back and take a look at the larger landscape of cinema, I'd say there isn't a better surfing movie ever made. This is to surfing what The Big Lebowski is to bowling - not just the crown jewel, but the whole damn palace.

I love Lori Petty's pixie cut in this movie too. I didn't know where to say that so...

So, why is it also a skydiving movie? Well, because there's a ton of skydiving in it.

To see how happy Patrick Swayze is freefalling above the beautiful California landscape brings a few tears to my eyes every time I see this scene. It's a special moment. This scene captures all the best parts of the movie: the tension and fear of death, the adrenaline, the bond that these men have with each other, the love of living life to its fullest. This isn't really a skydiving movie, but its skydiving moments are when it feels the most like itself. They're magnificent. 

*Wipes a tear from my eye.*

Or maybe it is a skydiving movie. The climax of this film is when Bodhi abandons Johnny Utah in an airplane, jumping out with a duffel full of cash, to escape to Mexico, and then with only a few seconds to think about it, Johnny screams, "Fuck it!" and JUMPS OUT OF THE PLANE WITHOUT A PARACHUTE. 

lmaooooooooo

Of all the conceivable things I've ever seen done in film, this is by far the craziest. There is nothing in the world that would make me jump out of an airplane without a parachute. I sure as hell wouldn't do it to rescue some girl I'd met like two weeks earlier, and who I'm pretty sure would be safe anyway. I mean look at that picture of Keanu Reeves! THIS CHARACTER IS A MANIAC. 

But - and this is a big "but" - he isn't as crazy as Bodhi is. Patrick Swayze is off the chain in this movie, and he's at his most wild during the bank robberies. That's right baby, this is a great goddamn heist movie!

Mr. President(s).

I wanna talk about the concept of the Ex-Presidents for a minute. It's genius. Like genuinely genius. I'm not just throwing that word around. To have four men dressed as the last four Presidents of the United States, using the President's names, and robbing banks because "fuck the system" and "we've been screwing you for years so a few more seconds shouldn't matter" is genius.

They're also - and I can't stress this enough - really good at robbing banks. Like incredibly good at it. They're in and out in 90 seconds, only hitting the drawers, and then they disappear like ghosts. That is until they get greedy at the very end. But ignoring that - they're really good! I could watch them knock off bank after bank for 2 hours and be satisfied. The fact that I also get to watch them surf and skydive is just a bonus. 

Give whoever came up with the Ex-Presidents an Oscar.

Now, let's talk about what I've been waiting all night to talk about. Call it second dessert. No, it isn't Gary Busey's unbelievable, incredible, downright great performance. No, it isn't the amazing lines like, "Young, dumb, and full of cum" or "The air got dirty and the sex got clean." No, it isn't the greatest five minute chase sequence I've ever witnessed. No, what we're here to talk about now is the roooooooooomance! (And I'm not talking about Lori Petty.)

This movie is the gayest-not-gay movie I've ever watched (and I gave you the queer reading of Die Hard.) Bodhi and Johnny Utah are so hot for each other that when they don't kiss while handcuffed together at the end of the movie it feels like a sucker punch of a let down. I mean, Bodhi literally looks Johnny in the eyes and says, "I know you want me so bad it's like acid in your mouth." SOUND THE GAY ALARMS! WE HAVE OUR WINNERS! DING DING DING!!! PATRICK SWAYZE AND KEANU REEVES ARE GAY FOR EACH OTHER!!!

I fucking love them in this movie. Seriously, I love them together. Their chemistry is undeniable, despite Lori Petty's character existing for the sole purpose of denying the chemistry between them by trying to convince us that either of them are straight. The real romance of this movie is between Keanu and Swayze. That's why Keanu chases him all that time. That's why he jumps out of the plane without a parachute for him. That's why he lets him go in the end, even though he knows he'll likely be imprisoned for it. That's just what you do for true love.

They're so goddamn cute. Wtf.

So, where does that leave us? Point Break - greatest gay surf movie about skydivers who rob banks? Yeah. Definitely. Because this film is so much more than just a surfing movie. And while I wish I had more time to talk about the many other aspects that really make Point Break so entertaining (like when Keanu Reeves gets the shit kicked out of him by a naked woman who just got out of the shower), I just don't. I got waves to catch, banks to rob, elections to watch.

In the words of All-Conference QB and the world's worst cop, Johnny Utah: "Vaya con dios."

Point Break is my new favorite Pride watch.

Point Break KRR: 8.4/10