KRR: So, 'Ocean's Eleven' Has the Best Crew of Scene-Stealers Ever Assembled. Period.

 

So, last night I treated Blair to one of my very, very, very special talents: a nearly flawless line-for-line recitation of Steven Soderbergh's 2001 remake of Ocean's Eleven. The film, as much a bonafide classic as the original, tells the story of Danny Ocean and his heist crew's attempt to steal 163 million dollars from the Bellagio Casino's vault. It's an impossible mission that calls for an ingenious plan. It is, and I don't say this lightly, just about the most fun you can ever have watching a movie. And that's why I know it by heart. While there are a lot of components to this film's charm - the flawless story, the relentlessly clever script, and the toe-tapping soundtrack - there's one that stands above all others: the cast. 

Never before or since has there been a cast so dedicated to outplaying each other. Just as every member of Danny's heist team has their own area of expertise, every actor in this film is doing the most with whatever time they're given. So, to really capture what makes this movie so damn enjoyable, I'm going to breakdown and (of course) rate the characters of Ocean's Eleven on a scale from one to eleven to determine who was really doing the most to steal the scenes.

-SPOILERS AHEAD-

Let's start at the bottom of the barrel with the crew's technician: Livingston Dell, played by Eddie Jemison. 

I'm gonna be honest - I really like Livingston Dell. I think Jemison plays him just neurotic enough that he's believable and funny, without making him an annoying buzzkill. We don't get to see that many scenes focused around Dell, but the ones we do, he's able to set a high-stress mood that serves as a nice underlying tone in the film. But, in comparison to his ten co-workers, Dell is pretty tame.

Livingston Dell: 1/11

Now, before you watch the clip below, I'll ask you to refrain from giving all your adoration to Bernie Mac's amazing line-readings and instead try to focus on the subtleties the Matt Damon is using to portray Linus Caldwell. 

Casting Matt Damon, a huge star in the early 2000s, as the fifth most important character in this movie is already such a flex on Soderbergh's part, but to cast him as probably the third or fourth least likable character is just mind-boggling. He's over-matched in every scene he's in, and, ironically, that's why I love this performance so much. We don't often get to see Damon play second-fiddle in scenes, but in Ocean's Eleven he thrives in that role in every single scene he's in. He looks like a little kid on set, finally getting to meet Brad Pitt and George Clooney. Linus' wide-eyed wonder is awesome, and Damon continues to thrive in this part as the trilogy plays out.

Linus Caldwell: 2/11

Unfortunately, there's not an amazing clip for this next guy - The Amazing Yen, played by Shaobo Qin.

Yen is the crew's "grease man," which means he's there to do the stunts that no one else can pull off, and while everyone is crucial to making the heist work, Yen is lowkey the most important character. If Yen can't do his job PERFECTLY, the whole heist is bust. So, Yen is an important character, and yet he's played without a word in English. The character rides on the physical performance by Shaobo Qin, and it's quite the performance. His stunts elicit the most heart-pounding moments of the movie, which is high praise for a fast-paced heist movie. And, he's so good, he returns in every Ocean's movie. Literally all of them. Gotta love him.

The Amazing Yen: 3/11

Now, we have a problem. Because it's at this point that the rest of the cast takes a massive step-up in utilizing their screen time. The remaining eight figures all go toe-to-toe competing for your attention. Don't crucify me if you disagree with these next few ratings. I'm gonna start with the Malloy brothers, a pair of Mormon twins who operate as the drivers and do-it-all handymen in the crew, played by Scott Caan and Casey Affleck.

Say what you will about Casey Affleck (he deserves all the hate), but I'd kill for a Malloy brother's spin-off. Every scene these two are in over the course of the trilogy is brilliant. If they're on the screen, you know it's a highlight reel moment. If Linus is the metaphorical child in the crew, then Turk and Virgil Malloy are the literal children. The constant bickering is endlessly funny and somehow never crosses the border into obnoxious. It always has a purpose, and I think after their first scene together, Soderbergh was just like, "We need more of them, so just put them in every scene possible." And that's how they ended up littered into almost every moment in this movie. They're fucking great. Okay, I'm gonna go back to watching Scott Caan and Casey Affleck argue now. See you in a minute.

Turk & Virgil Malloy: 6/11

Okay, I'm back. While I was away, I found the ideal video for what I want to talk about next: Rusty Ryan, played by Brad Pitt, and his infatuation with eating.

So, obviously, Brad Pitt is a huge part of this movie - second only to Clooney - and I absolutely adore Rusty as a character. I think we all do. This is peak Brad Pitt. We're supposed to love him. His banter with Clooney is fantastic. He's so suave he can pull off the worst outfits. He's just a joy to see on screen. And yet, my favorite part about Rusty is that he's constantly eating. Constantly. At all times, he is eating. It would be a close race, but I think Brad Pitt might eat more times in this movie than Jake Gyllenhaal jumps in Prince of Persia and Will Smith runs in Pursuit of Happyness. And believe me, there is A LOT of jumping and running in those movies. I think it's the casual nature of Brad Pitt eating that I find so charming. If you don't know to look for it, you might not even notice. But there's something about eating that really makes the character feel whole. I feel like Brad Pitt totally transformed into the suave, bad-haircut, poorly-dressed conman that is Rusty by simply deciding to eat anytime he was on screen. And it worked! We don't know Brad Pitt as an eater. But we do know Rusty as one. That's called acting.

Rusty Ryan: 6/11

Before we move on, please stop with me for a moment of silence for the next two actors: Carl Reiner and Bernie Mac.

Okay, great. Let's start again with Reiner's character, Saul Bloom.

Saul Bloom is the old, grumpy grandpa in the crew. The one who's seen a thing or two and knows what will work and what won't. I had very little appreciation for Saul when I was a child and watched this movie. Now, however, as I've grown a bit older and gotten much closer with my own grandparents, I am able to more fully appreciate what Carl Reiner is doing in this movie. Not only is he acting his ass off, he's serving as a real-life Saul Bloom to the rest of the cast. He knows when to step up and have his moment in the spotlight and when to recede and let the bigger stars in the cast take over. It's a genuinely nuanced performance, and I can't wait to see how I reflect on it more in the years to come.

Saul Bloom: 7.5/11

And then, of course, there is the late and great Bernie Mac - one of the funniest comedians of all time, lost way too soon - and his character, Frank Catton, the man on the inside.

Last night, after my recitation of this movie, Blair and I had a conversation about how there should be an Oscar for the Best Moment in a Movie. It's pretty straight-forward - the Oscar is given to whoever makes the best moment (under two minutes, let's say) in any movie of that year. It can be a great movie or a bad movie, doesn't matter. This Oscar is about moments. For example, the stunt department would get the Best Moment Oscar for the back-breaking bullet-dodge in The Matrix. Or, Hart Bochner would win for the greatest moment in the history of cinema. Or, a more relevant example, Bernie Mac would receive an Oscar for the van scene, above. (And we'd give two more baby Oscars to Scott Caan and Casey Affleck for jumping up and down on the vans outside.) Bernie is so fucking funny in this movie. Even though he has probably the least amount of screen time of anyone in the crew, he carves up every minute of it. They unleash Bernie for a few minutes at a time because to do anymore would be dangerous to viewers. Soderbergh would have had viewers stroking out from laughter in the aisles. It would have been a PR nightmare: TWO MORE FOUND DEAD IN THEATERS FOLLOWING THE RELEASE OF NEW STEVEN SODERBERGH FILM. The only way they would have been able to offset that would have been by getting good PR from Bernie Mac's Oscar campaign. But alas, that isn't the world we live in.

Frank Catton: 9/11

Now, we get to the man of the hour and the namesake of the franchise - Mr. Danny Ocean, played by the endlessly charismatic George Clooney.

Before I go any further, I have to talk about how criminal it is that Steven Soderbergh didn't utilize Julia Roberts more in Ocean's Eleven. Almost all of the points the movie loses are because she's treated like a pawn (a mistake they quickly rectify in Ocean's Twelve). And it's worth mentioning that the scene above is the best scene of the movie if it's in 99% of all other movies ever made; but, it isn't in this one, because of how good the heist is. The sparring between Roberts and Clooney is such next-level greatness that when Andy Garcia - famously, a great actor - comes into the scene, he is immediately eclipsed by those two. This is the best Clooney performance, in my honest opinion. It feels like most Clooney performances after this series are him trying to recapture the charm he was able to bring to Danny Ocean. The whole movie would collapse in on itself if it weren't for how good he is. There wouldn't be a sequel. There wouldn't be another sequel. Then there wouldn't be a reboot. Despite Julia Roberts' best efforts, Clooney never loses control of the film, and for that, he is handsomely rewarded with a high score. 

Danny Ocean: 10/11

We're now at the top of the food chain. Only two can claim to do more with their screen time in Ocean's Eleven than Mr. Ocean himself. Luckily, it's time to visit them. Allow me to introduce, or reintroduce, my own personal idol, played by the unbelievable Elliott Gould - Reuben Tishkoff.

If the flamboyant Jewish Elton John crossed with Hugh Hefner by the side of the pool look doesn't do it for you, I don't know what does. Reuben is fucking GOLDEN. He's cinema's King Midas. Everything Reuben Tishkoff touches, every word he speaks, every person he looks at, all of it - turns to gold. The way he mutilates his salad while spewing out some of the funniest lines of the movie - "They got enough armed personnel to occupy Paris!" Takes bite. "Okay, bad example." - is perfect. Everything Reuben does is so overly pronounced that you can tell within moments of meeting the man that no one's ever put a muzzle on him. He's had everyone's attention his whole life, and he'll be damned if anyone tries to take it from him now. And that's why I love him so much. His entire existence in this movie is to fund the heist. THAT'S IT. Because of that, he can do whatever he wants. A wild dog with no leash and that fashion taste. How could he not be your hero too??

Reuben Tishkoff: 11/11

You're probably wondering, "Well who's at the top then? I only count ten, but you've already reached the max score. What now??" I'll tell you what now. Now we watch Don Cheadle take the safety off, put a horrendous accent on, and give the most bonkers, over-the-top performance of any blockbuster possibly ever made: bomb-man, Basher.

I'm 100% convinced that Basher was not supposed to be in this movie, and then one day Don Cheadle rolled onto set with the worst Cockney accent imaginable, and Steven Soderbergh immediately dropped another member of the cast to make way for this character. Basher steals every scene he appears in. (I'd link them all if I could.) Like, it's not even close. For three movies straight, Don Cheadle turns in performance after performance, each one in an attempt to outdo his last. And that's pretty fucking difficult considering in his very first scene in the franchise, he says, "It'll be nice workin' with proper villains again," then BLOWS UP a police car. We don't even know how! He just does it! It's absolutely incredible!! He's the closest to unhinged of anyone in the crew, which is good considering they need to all be mentally sound enough to pull the job off, and that just makes him so much fun. It's a delight whenever Basher opens his mouth, because you never quite know what's gonna come out of it. Like, really. Half-way through the movie (while covered in literal shit, mind you) he suggests nuking Vegas. It's wild! For Basher, there is no script, just whatever Don Cheadle wants to do. And in one of the most iconic heist crews ever assembled, that's what makes him the ultimate scene-stealer. 

Basher: 163,000,000/11

The Who's Who of heist crews.

Ocean's Eleven KRR: 9.6/10